The happier times before i starting emo-ing(according to lai meng)
Act shuai buay shuai... haha...
My totally screwed match
Today I lost.
But i didn't lose to TJC, i lost to myself.
I don't know what's gotten into me but I know I definitely sucked on court. Sorry June, I really sorry. I think i need to drown out all the external stress and all that. Fight... fight what opponent when i can't even stamp out the little devil inside me?Argghh... Play my best? What shit la. This was the only match that i'm allowed to explore my limits. The rest are crucial. But what now? Whatever. I don't want to let down everyone again. When i see the guys bored watching my match, it's like i totally let down every single one that came down to support. Maybe what coach said was true... You train for such a long time and bang! One match and that's it. Like dance, once you blank out, it's a goner. I really don't know what else i can do now besides continue trying to tell myself not to panic and again, play my best. i don;t know what to expect for the next match. I can say now that i won't be blanking out and getting so shaky (i hate the word 'nervous' now), but when i get there, i don't know... i don't know .... Don't know...
I'm really sorry people. I'm sorry. Kill me, punch me if you want to.
And to the guys playing tomorrow, all the best and don't be like me, play your very best and ignore the devil in you. Jiayou.
Maybe there's no point in my existence. Coach told me: 'If you can't help your partner, don't pull her into trouble'. Sounds practical i guess. So since i'm such a gigantic failure.... Sorry sheng yu, sorry yi wen, sorry to everyone who had faith in me. Sorry.
Labels: I Lost to Myself
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
my own dusty road
