Had many realizations while ‘flipping’ through facebook photos, both my own and others. All had something to do with the nagging presence of TIME.

First was how I have friends who are getting married already. They are but just a year or two older than me. Scary eh. And some, even though we do know that they are not getting married yet, really really look like they are. They have photoshoots that almost look like wedding photos, ‘honeymoon’ trips overseas, couple shots at some lomantic place and even family shots! Feels so weird can. And I have juniors who are already parents to some one year old kid. Its like the transition phase that one after another enters and passes out. I’m quite fine not going through that mathematical function right now yet, though perhaps I can’t say the same a couple of years later. HAHA.

The next was how people change over the years. Just one year ago and we look totally different. Different clothes, different look, different vibe. And so I wonder how we will change in the future. My mind wanders, like some lost sheep. Not the first day that you read this blog right? LOL

And for the annual listing of things I hope (discreetly?) to get for my upcoming special day, please see the following. Frankly, I highly doubt I’ll get them anyways. Oh wells, there’s always room for desire right? =P

(To solve the headaches of many and to help burn a hole in your pocket)

1. Grey rimmed Esprit shades

2. Tiffany & Co. ribbon pendant with chain

3. Teal coloured in-ear earphones

4. Burberry-patterned Iphone back cover

5. A nice Sigg bottle CAP (Mine cui-ed when my Sigg tried to commit suicide)

6. Time to slow down so that I can enjoy and have more fun with those who will be graduating the end of the sem.

7. CAP 4.3 for the next two sems (thou shalt not be greedy)

This year, I shall not wish for the one thing that I’ve been wishing for the past few years. If it comes it comes. If it doesn’t, HECK IT LIAO!!!! >.<>

Time to continue my documentation. I can already feel the memories slipping away. Details here and there, blurred as time passes. Its already four days since I’ve been back from the trip and I’m missing it. My mind wanders to the future, the time when everything is over and everyone has left. To the time that I dread the most, but unfortunately very certain that that day will come. Shall not think of it and emo too much for now. Let’s continue.

23^rd Dec

Breakfast as usual. Then headed out in Mr Goh’s car to the jetty for the ferry over to Pangkor. The jetty was pretty, with nice view and little heavy black balls for you to stand and balance on. Left mainland on a ferry with an open deck. JS & WL acted out the Jack & Rose love scene in Titanic at the front of the boat. Funny. Scenery was awesome. Hope the photos turn out awesome too.

Visited this ikan bilis factory on the island. Got to taste some fresh undried ikan bilis. And i love the squid! It’s the typical teochew porridge squid that I absolutely adore! Happy. HAHAHA! Walked out on the kelong-like path to see the boats that hull in the ikan bilis. Almost dropped WL’s tripod through one of the many holes in the planks. I’ve no idea why I was protecting it like my life depends on it. >.<>

My stupid eye got red and swollen and I had to remove my contacts. I hate times like this. And it always happens. But life goes on, so I got used to it. The guys bought alot of dried snacks. I like the dried sugared cuttlefish. HY, JY and YX were going on about how sugar were empty calories tho. >.<>

Took a cab which looked more like a pink van since it could transport ten people at a time to the Coral Bay resort. Were told that we would have our lunch after cycling here later. Didn’t think then that it would be a very very long ‘later’.

Got to the bicycle rental shop that looked no more than an uncle standing beside a huge sun umbrella with a row of uber cui bicycles in front. I shall describe the ultimate cui state of the bicycles. Tyres with smoothened out surfaces (a big hug to SW for swapping bicycles with me because of that. If not I would have really flew down slopes), un-usable gears, rusty seat stems and loose chains.

Set off after some jerky and uncertain circling around the place on the rickety bikes. After not more than 2 mins, we were on our feet again trudging through the beach while pushing our bikes along. It really wasn’t easy pushing a bike along the sandy shore. What we didn’t know was that it was going to be worse and much much worse. Got back onto the bike for perhaps a few more mins and we encountered the next obstacle – slope. It isn’t the usual slope that you get at East Coast park where you curse and swear while pedalling hard upslope. It’s the slope where cursing and swearing doesn’t help at all and all you can do is to get off the bike and push it up. And the slopes just kept coming. Up up up.

You know they always say what goes up will come down? They were right. There were slopes that went down down down. But again they were steeeeeeeep. Gosh, I spammed brakes like my life depended on them (ok, my life did depend on them.) The flat grounds weren’t nice to ride either. Cabs and motorcycles were speeding like crazy around. I thought I was going to get into an accident somehow. Plus it wasn’t very comforting to hear that WL is the most qualified lifesaver around (There’s a hospital somewhere around but highly dubious). LOL. Not everyone was pro at road cycling too. After this experience, I can safely say that night cycling in Singapore is no kick.

With two bikes broken, cui beyond repair, and stuck right in the middle of nowhere, far from the end point and start point too, we had to make the tough decision to let two of us go back on a cab with the two broken bicycles. JY and Eil left to head back while we continued on. The cab could only take two people and two bikes. KY told us we’ve gone past the most difficult trail and the road is relatively flat ahead so we could go on and reach the end point quite quickly. By then it was already 2pm and was supposed to be lunch time. He was so totally wrong!

It was still ok as we cycled along since we’ve gotten quite used to the slopes around by then. UNTIL we came to THE SLOPE. My gawd, it was FORTY FIVE DEGREE INCLINED! Stopping halfway on the slope would guarantee you rolling backwards down the slope. So we could only go forward. The bikes weren’t light at all too! At 15kg each. My arms and legs were burning inside out. Chin chin give the one EPIC remark – ‘eh the slope continues at the same angle as far as I can see leh’. I think at that moment, only one phrase flash across everyone’s mind – OMG. I was carrying two 1.5L of water, slung across my back on my pouch. The guys were offering to take it but they were already carrying other stuff like food and more water. I was okay on my own. Appreciate their concern deep deep though. =] After many many ‘miles’ of 45 degree slopes, Arisga and SW ended up helping me and HY push our bikes for intervals. Damn touched la. We were all shouting encouragements to each other too. In times of adversity, you see the pure nature of the human soul and their kindness and love. I guess no other games or intentional activities can bring across the notion of teamwork more than times where problems arise or hardship befalls on the whole group. We suffered together, pulled on together and achieved together.

SW’s bike finally CMI-ed on our way to a village. A kind uncle on a motorcycle offered him a ride down to the nearest village motor shop. He looked super shuai carrying his bike and riding pillion. HAHA. Took quite awhile for the bike to be repaired. WL bought ice milo for us (heaven!) and ZY got us some pastry thingy that was warm and delicious (warm in the mouth, warm in the heart too!) By then it was already 330pm!

One more hour of cycling and we FINALLY got back to the bike shop, exhausted and dying of thirst. ZY was yet again our saviour – he bought us coconut juice! I’ve never tasted anything so up there in my life! hearts and kisses! To add on, I really felt that although the whole ride was painfully tiring and horribly scary, the sense of achievement and fulfilment cannot be described in words. It made you realise things that you would never have thought of, it made our MC stronger and more bonded. I would go for it again even if time could be rewound.

Scrambling back to Coral Bay, we had our lunch (at 5pm!!!) and chionged back to the jetty to take our ferry back to mainland. Totally dunno how would it be if we missed that ferry. Had dinner back at the Virgo Batik resort at 6pm after packing up our stuff. Couldn’t really eat either after all that working out.

Left the place for the bus terminal where a coach would bring us back to Singapore. Was chased by the uncle collecting money at the toilet at the bus terminal. Super hilarious. HTHT-ed with XJ and JY on the bus for the first one plus hour. I couldn’t take it and fell aslp after that. Reached Singapore in the morning on 24^th Dec and cabbed home with KY, KS and WL after breakfast. It was over.

There are so many details that have been left out either because I can already not remember them or would result in a blog post so long that it could become a book. It’s the little things that people do that stay with you for many many years to come, that you will recall and smile again. I really hope these times will never end. I’m trying my best to not think of how life will be like when it does.

We are NUS Students’ Sport Club 31^st MC. We are one.

Where was I? Ahhhh...

22^nd Dec

Woke up at 0730. Had a superb sleep of 7 hours. Breakfast at 0800 and then we gathered to set off for our kayaking trip. Mr Goh showed us the strokes and basic techniques of rowing. JY, HY & WH didn’t join us in the water. Sadded, missing out on the fun. Mr Goh asked for two volunteers to set sail in the water and demo the getting in and out of the kayak. And guess what? Everyone was like ‘Eh Val, go leh’. LOL. I think I got like ‘volunteered’ for stuff quite a few times during the trip. But as usual, to not dampen the mood and keep the spirit high I was like ‘why not?’. And then... they ‘volunteered’ WL to go with me. >.<>

Partnered KY (much to my relief) for the subsequent paddling. Paddled out to another stretch of shore where we learnt how to capsize. And AGAIN, I was first to show the capsize drill. No one volunteered ma, so as Lao Da, KY asked me if I’m ok with doing it with him as the first example. And as usual I said Ok! The capsizing part was fun, although the seawater stung my eyes like anything. I have no fear of water anyways. But when it came to the part where I was supposed to get back on to the kayak, man it was difficult! I thought I was like giving birth can, with them shouting ‘PUSH, PUSH!!’ LOL. I struggled like crazy, wanting to give up. KY was already on the kayak, stabilising it. The guys swam over to push me up. Chin chin was supporting my back, SW was trying to pull me over. I think I almost kicked WL in the face. He was grabbing my feet I think. LOL! The whole situation was hilarious la. So after much struggling, kicking, squirming, pulling, pushing and yelling, I got back onto the seat. There’re just some times that one cannot achieve things alone. Although the capsize thing wasn’t intended to let one realise this, I felt deeply the support I got from everyone. <3

Played a game in the waters after the drill. Xiang Jun was the little chick and we were the ‘coop’ with two wolves – WJ and Chin chin. It was damn violent can. I kena kicked in all directions, splashed water into my face like crazy and laughed like mad as well. Then proceeded to row back to the main beach. The whole thing was uber short! Could have been longer but Mr Goh insisted we should leave more time for the activities in the later part of the day, telling KY that he would be very pleased with the outcome of those activities. LOL.

After lunch we gathered in the Libra room for games. Were asked to form groups and to take out 10 ringgits each. The game was to earn as much money as possible through auctioning against the dealer – Mr Goh. Objective was to show us that if we worked together as a whole, we’ll achieve our goal easily instead of being split up in small groups. Okaaayyysss... we got the idea.

We didn’t expect the subsequent ‘games’ to be having an open emo session. Mr Goh spoke in a very solemn tone which I was tempted to help him add an ‘Amen’ at the end of his sentences. LOL. One was to think of five people that you appreciate the most in the club and when instructed, find the person and place your hand on his/her shoulder. My 1^st was JY, 2^nd was HY and 3^rd was Arisga. It was weird to tell them actually how you feel at that moment, being lost for words and not very used to expressing such stuff face to face. Especially JY and HY. Usually, the closer you are, the harder it is to say it out. So I shall just summarize here the things I never got to say then.

JY, I chose you for the 1^st was because you were the one that helped me find myself back in NUS, the one who helped me break out from the stone-ness and loneliness that was enveloping me in year 1. My life began when I got to know you. =] *shy*

HY, I chose you for 2^nd was because you have been there for me thru RunNUS and stay on alongside till now whereas the rest have already lost touch. And you’re one of the very very very few people in my uni life that I can talk to for five hours straight and share my ideals and experiences with. How many of such friends can you get as you grow older?

The other ‘game’ was one in which we were to stand in two rows facing each other. We were to contemplate for a while and give the opposite person a number with 1 representing dislike, 2 representing willingness to only acknowledge the person’s existence with a nod, 3 representing handshake and lastly 4 representing a hug. And then we had to execute the action we chose. Handshakes were exchanged with the initial people i met along the line. Felt weird you know. But then later I just hugged everyone along the line. But then the EPIC moment came. I faced WL. HAHA. But that wasn’t the point! At that moment, Mr Goh said ‘move to the left’. We were puzzled coz we’ve yet carried out the actions and stuff. And then he reaffirmed that he wanted us to step left. WL gave me the usual ‘phew, heng no need face you look’ and I gave him the ‘whatever lo’ stare. And Mr Goh narrated ‘Sometimes in life, you miss something or someone. You walk past them, lost the opportunity.... blah blah..’ I stared at WL, he stared back. Awkward silence. I stared at HY and she stared back too. Words shooting back and forth from the connection between eyes. EPIC moment. And i heard JS in the background commenting about us. >.<>

Went down to the beach to start the campfire. Looked for firewood which was actually sticks and branches. The rest played Frisbee while me, sis aka slut aka CW and Eil roamed around talking rubbish. Eunice was taking photos with WL’s DSLR. Was experimenting with her on the silhouette effects as well. Again I regret not learning how to use DSLR seriously, coz I’ve really got alot of ideas about angles and dramatic shots (what WL call ‘the eye’) but I have little knowledge on how to execute them. =(

Campfire was started by ZY. He’s the awesome kampong boy! Climbing coconut trees to pluck the dried leaves for the fire. Then the rest went back to the resort to get the bbq supplies while I sat by the fire talking to Eil and watching XJ & XJ play Frisbee. HY & JY was HTHT-ing at the shoreline and joined them after a lil while. And then it drizzled! Another EPIC moment. I grabbed the precious DSLR, JY grabbed the tripod and HY grabbed our room key and we sprinted back to the resort in the dark. LOL!!! And we ended up HTHT-ing in our room until KY came to pick us up. Oops.

BBQ was done in a deserted resort not far away from ours. The food was awesome. Was cracking up with WJ and SW and HY. Couldn’t take it. They’re DAMN cute. SW was named ‘baby’ in this trip la, due to the bladder thing that he was carrying. LOL. Played Polar Bear aka WereWolf while eating which we realised that SC people totally suck at it. HAHA! And JS suck at telling ghost stories too! He kept repeating the first line of his lousy ghost story which was that Pulau Tekong doesn’t have wild cats. Sekali the guys all said there were cats there! LOUSY!

Had the nightly debrief in KY’s room. Another EPIC here. The sharing started with Arisga which was totally a bad choice coz he couldn’t stop talking and it was hilarious to the max. Basically we just laughed and laughed and laughed. And I got my major head trauma here during the sharing session. Second head trauma since the first one was issued by xiao jie’s paddle in the day. This time, it was dear Dr Cheong. I didn’t know what happened just before and just after the whack, I think the concussion was enough to make me lose memory of what happened at that instant. So until now I’m still wondering what exactly made him whack down on me on the head!!! It was so hard and resounding that all I could remember was the extreme shocked/concern/pity look on the faces around me. I remember people asking me quickly if I was ok, WL ruffling my hair and asking me if i was ok as well and laughing at the same time I think and someone saying OMG. And then him saying he was sorry. That whole part was a blur!! >.<

HTHT-ed with KS and JS after that at the lobby, where the H didn’t stand for Heart anymore. It stood for ‘ham sup’! Laughed like crazy, till tears came down. Tried to help him correct his hamsup image to no avail. Ended up laughing even more. LOL!

Slept at 2am. And woke up at 5am with a swollen right eye. I guess I concussed till I didn’t move an inch. Sinus clogged up my right side of the face. Oh wells. I survived.

K the details for the last day will be in my next entry. I think I included far too much details. Pardon me. =P

Ps.

Why did they put on the song from the Land Before Time – If We Hold On Together? Every time I hear that song I wanna cry. Cried like crazy when I saw that movie. ><

Back from the awesome Lumut / Pulau Pangkor trip with my dearest 31^st MC and friends. Apart from the aching muscles that are fully toned now, rope burns, cuts and slashes by the canoe paddles and minor head trauma caused by the official photographer/doctor-to-be and a smack to the head by again the canoe paddle, I’m more or less safely back at home. The 3 day trip felt like a beautiful dream. Short, maybe too short, but so many memories, not to mention the number of reputation-breaking incidents.

Guess I should document the entire trip here before the memories fade away. We all need some form of written reminder to churn out those fantastic times as time passes.

20^th Dec

Cabbed down to clubroom at 1630 with WL aka official photographer. Clubroom was already buzzing with people when we reached. Fed Hanky & Panky for the last time before leaving and hope they don’t try to eat up each other like they did to their kids (one minute of silence please). Got our Team NUS jacket and polo tee (like finally. Woots.) and the special 31^st MC tshirt specially made for this trip. =D Passed WL his birthday present and laughed like crazy when opened. Just go ask him what we got for him. LOL. Dinner at YIH and set off to the 198 bus stop for the bus to Boon Lay shopping centre. The bus came but we couldn’t get up and it was running late. Machiam Amazing Race style, we had to get cabs for the approx 12 of us who were in school. Quite afraid that we would miss the bus to M’sia.

The coach set off at 2100 to the checkpoint, causeway, roads and then supper place, shared Matt Kool ice cream on waffle with JY. Slept and woke up alot, probably wasn’t very tired yet since I did nap before I set off in the day.

21^st Dec

Reached Lumut, Perak, Virgo Batik Resort at around 0600. Checked in, slacked a little and then the breakfast. Halfway, the moment of reckoning came. EXAM RESULTS. Chin chin’s Iphone was stuck in his jacket when his push SMS came and we had to destroy the zip to get it out. Never have the release of exam results been so exciting and agonizing before. Struggled with no reception. All stood with our phones held high above the heads at the open porch. Each time someone’s phone rang, we jumped over. One by one, we got our results. Totally horrendous especially when most have already gotten their results and your phone simply doesn’t wanna receive any signal. Didn’t have any mood to do anything before getting the results. I respect JY and Arisga for not checking their results all the way until later.

First activity was indoor games. Gathered in the Libra room, played scissors-paper-stone in egg-chicken-dino style and other team building games like the spiderweb thingy. Got carried by them around the room and was yelling like crazy. Learnt to trust them and got to know that they will support you no matter what.

After lunch was outdoor jungle trekking. The instructor Mr Goh Ah Hua (ok, you can laugh at his name, we did too. LOL) told us we didn’t need to wear track pants. But he was so so so wrong. 10 m into the ‘jungle’ cuts and slashes around the ankles were common to everyone. Ran back with the girls to put on long pants while still leaving FBTs on underneath. Butt was freaking hot can.

One thing we all didn’t expect was that the jungle was on a hill (maybe to me, more like mountain). We all thought we ho-lan after the first 15 mins of walking and navigating. Climbed through the bushes, shrubs, along the narrow path ways, dodged branches, ducked under low tree branches and trekked for like 5 hours in total. I salute the guys who were carrying the water supplies in their field packs and also the Pocari sweat and muesli bars. And I would like to express my utmost gratitude to them as well for helping us through some scarily dangerous terrain. Guys are really guys. And NS really makes a difference too. =]

Came to a clearing where we had to complete a task – to aim at sand filled bottles with tennis balls provided and knock them down from a distance. Quite fun to just launch the tennis balls like missiles, you don’t really get that kind of scenery and space to do such stuff in Singapore. You could see who are the ones who have the initiative to help pick up the balls and prevent them rolling down the hills rather than just standing there and throwing them.

Next task was by the beach – shooting balloons high in the tree with catapults. Never used a catapult in my life before. It was kampong style for all manx.

Third task was also by the beach after trekking along the waters for quite a while. This, I think, was the best of the few tasks – catching sand crabs in the sand. No one’s done that before and Singapore doesn’t even have much sand crabs either. Stick your whole palm vertically into the sand in the shallow waters and just scoop up. There’re so many sand crabs, you could feel them wriggling and scrambling as u shove your arm in. And they are edible! LOL.

The final task was to spilt into two groups and build a raft each with just planks and tyres. Got rope burns from trying to pull the rope taut and our planks broke when we sat down on it! LOL! Paddled out to sea with horrible paddling timing and super hilarious synchronization. Later, we hopped on to a tyre each and floated along the sea. Best end to a day of fun laughter and awesomeness.

After dinner we had some games and sharing session along with debrief for the day. We ended early at 2230 since everyone was saying they were tired. Yet, we all somehow gathered at the lobby after a while to use internet and talk cock. Me, HY, JY, WJ and ZY went back to JY’s room to HTHT. To our surprise, Justin, Chin chin, SW and WL came in to join us. And thus HTHT became STST (sex to sex talk). Gosh, we didn’t expect the questions that Chin chin asked in the truth or truth game! Super horny questions can. ><>.<

Slept like anything. 7 hours straight concussion.

Story to be paused here. I’m sleepy again though I just woke up not very long from a 6 hour sleep. LOL. Continue tomorrow ba! =D

Another hectic week flew past. My holidays are more busy than semester time. But of course it’s more fun! Duh.

Meeting up with Elroy. First time in almost three years. I said it was less than 3 but he said it was 3. Oh wells, how time flies. Was quite apprehensive about it initially. We did have an exciting history to speak of.

Walked around Marina Bay Sands. My first time there. (Ah, to add on to the many firsts in this holiday) There isn’t much to shop over there. Was totally a smart move to bring my DSLR there. Super awesome sights and the night view is like drop dead gorgeous. Plus we sorta figured how to use manual mode to take awesome night shots. Got him hooked on DSLR-ing. Hee hee.

Chatted like the old times. Talked about everything and anything under the sky. I'm surprised how comfortable it was. I can say it was better than the days that there was feelings in play. Sat back to back under the west coast highway – the one that brought back even nicer memories from 15^th August. The picture above is just so apt for what I thought of back then and now. I had my fair share of what-ifs and what-could-have-been, but then again if I were to be able to turn back time, I would have chosen the same path over again. Because sometimes being a friend is better than anything more. =)

Can’t wait for next week’s trip! But screw the results release day. HAHA. Will be back with awesome and fun stuff to blog! See ya!

This is one of the times that I know that I wanna blog about some thoughts just that I can’t remember what they are. How great is that.

Had a super hectic week or make that weeks. Just into the third week of holidays and I’ve movie-d, mah-jong-ed, painted, tuition-ed, badminton-ed and monopoly deal-ed. The only thing is, I haven’t been meeting alot of different people. Most just came from SC or my chem peeps which some are also from SC or have connections. Basically, out of a week, I meet up with SC peeps at least 3 times a week which is damn right scary but entirely awesome. I mean how much more fun can it get?

Things to highlight so far are the amount of good food i’ve eaten so far (which totally doesn’t help my lifelong aim), my first ever experience of painting walls (the colours are simply so pwetty!!), my new tuition kid aka JY’s cousin, my virgin experience of entering Malaysia (with SC ppl of course! HAHA), my first experience of massage in Malaysia with hilarious effect , my first meet up with Jon & WX after like a whole sem and my first DDR experience (you guessed it, with JY. HAHA). So many firsts. Perhaps a first kiss would be good to sum up all my firsts. Ok that was crap talk. I’m still far far away from that I guess. LOL!

I'm meeting El tmr. I don't know what to expect. Oh wells, shall psycho myself tonight that the past is the past. We'll never get back there again.

You were a dream, then a reality. Now a memory.

How do you regret something that you didn’t do because you couldn’t?

Emotions cloud one’s logical judgement. This is one big point that I got out of a long conversation. I’m not sure if I am or was a puppet of my own emotions. I’ve seen my fair share of friends who have fading abilities to think rationally without completely agreeing and submitting to the ones holding on to their hearts. Makes me wonder if I was like that as well. Guess that’s why work and interpersonal relationships can never be mixed in the same pot.

The thought that others uninvolved in your own situation can see things so much clearer than the person in it is simply scary. You can pinpoint the problems, weaknesses and perhaps even unethical doings in the relationships of others yet sometimes, you don’t even know that you are in one hell of a mess yourself.

I stand outside the tangled mess of others, thinking how lucky I am to be able to untangle myself from that. Was my logical rationality stronger than emotions and feelings? But why does it feel like I’ve lost something along the way? Or perhaps I've never gotten free of that complicated web.

It’s a conflicted world. I want everyone to be happy. But some things may be better left unsaid, although there’s the teeny weeny chance that it may even help the situation. Why can’t everyone be open about what they think and feel? No one wants to be the bad guy. Sometimes I rather not know what others are feeling, then maybe I wouldn’t be so confused about my own and about what my next actions should be. Funny that I’m more affected by other people’s emotions than my own. (I guess that’s when being ‘people-oriented’ goes overboard)

The truth is...

We hide because we want to be found

We walk away to see who will follow

We cry to see who will wipe away the tears

And we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them