My mum got all pissed by the maid yesterday when we went over to my grandma’s house to visit for her birthday. Reason? The maid ‘fought’ for food with us at the zi char dinner downstairs. What a ridiculous thing to be angry about! My mum was like ‘she doesn’t know her place as a maid. Even if my daughter was like that, I would have scolded her like anything. Why can’t I even scold the maid?’ Its always like that every time we go there.

If not the maid, it’ll probably be about how my dad’s sisters don’t seem to care about my grandma anymore although in the past (when Mata still wear shorts) my grandma was so much better to them than to us. Yes, my dad’s the only son, but still, daughters are always ‘better’ than daughter-in-laws. I’ve seen the ugly side of having siblings. Maybe I’ve seen too much. I recall that when I was very very young (and i really meant young like once I could talk?), I’ve never wanted a sibling. I hear friends in school complaining about theirs put me off the thought. I surprised all my elders by responding with a firm NO when asked if I would like a brother or a sister. It wasn’t like I was selfish or anything (perhaps just a little self-centred, by the sign of Capricorn), I totally enjoyed sharing all my stuff with my friends. But since young, I’ve understood that friends are people that you mix with by choice. Siblings are not. And they will be tied to you for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. I don’t know that there’s so many instances whereby siblings get along perfectly fine, and happily ever after. But I just don’t seem to appreciate or envy them. For I know that there’s something called MONEY – the root of all evils. You see siblings fighting over money in the long run, its the cruel reality of life. Its our survival instinct.

My aunts are all great pretenders, great actors. I could present the next Emmy award to them. They have gone to church for so many years and did all that bible studies for nothing. They don’t do what they should be doing. And when they have problems, they just sit around and ask others to pray for them. But really, God only helps those who help themselves. I can sit around and pray in church whole day long, but if I don’t go out there to try to solve my own problem, I have only myself to blame. I just wanna tell them this, 人在做天在看.

If its not about my aunts, then its about my grandma. Things that she say, things that she commented on, will somehow piss off my mum. Its extremely lucky that we don’t live together long term. I guess if we did, I would have been the first to commit suicide. Everyone in the family loves to tell me their side of the story (and this seems to apply to my friends too!).

If its not about my grandma, its about me or my dad saying something to piss her off. I guess its like when she’s at my grandma’s house, her senses are all on high-sensitivity. Never once have we left the place happy or just in a neutral mode. Can’t blame me for not being close to any of my relatives, including my cousins.

I wonder what’s in for me in the future. I’ve often thought about what will happen to me if I end up alone and perhaps requiring some help somewhere down the long path of life. Would you as my friend help me? Cause I know, my cousins wouldn’t.