I don’t know what you’re thinking, I don’t know what you’re trying to do, I don’t know what I am doing too. I don’t want to know, yet somewhere inside wants to probe further. I want to know why, even if its not what I want it to turn out as. I want to know when, if it will ever turn out right. I don’t want to know how, because its probably not what I think it would be. But will it do me good if I had the knowledge?

Gosh, its so complex.

‘We’re being complex here, not for the sake of complexation’

~twisted quote from Prof.

Steamboat at Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao is AWESOME.

Happy belated birthday to Ah Ma! Glad you liked the SIGG i bought you. If you didn’t, I would have kept it for myself! LOL.

And thanks for enlightening on the area that I totally FAILED for the past 21 years. (Not like a 2 year old could do anything also la. =X) Though I do see the light now, but I’m still contemplating whether I should carry out your suggestion. Just can’t bring myself to do it! LOL. You know, situations differs. Maybe one day, or maybe when I’m drunk. HAHA.

Anyways, love you guys and Selian please upload my pwetty pictures! LOL.

Today’s a happy and sad day for me. I just can’t decide which. Its just right in the middle.

=( Didn’t have enough sleep ytd night

=( 8am morning lecture

=) morning lecture was Heavenly maths

=( YR didn’t go coz he was cheonging his assignment

=) Kevin’s expressions during lecture was super funny

=( Lab for damn long. Stand till my legs were breaking. Synthesized some blood like copper compound

=( Had stains on my hands and I think I inhaled too much silica gel. Totally high.

=) Labbed with Huiting. So super high, even without the silica gel.

=( smelled like a bottle of tinner when leaving the lab

=( ate lunch at 330pm and was dying of hunger

=) lunched at NUH. Like for the first time in how long

=( No hot doctors walked past

=) Teh Ping at NUH was DAMN GOOD!

=( Totally threw face when I shouted ‘Watch out for that car’ to my friend when actually she was blocking a guy in wheelchair. The guy STARED.

=) Dropped by clubroom. It s just a happy place. LOL.

=( IPHONE 4 waiting list is horrendous. Couldn’t get my phone today.

=) Caught 156 the moment I stood at the bus stop. This always makes me happy.

=) Udders Ice cream with my parents at night. Totally paid for. HAHA.

=( Couldn’t get a table at HV CJLMXLB for tmr’s dinner.

=) Got a table at TPY CJLMXLB for steamboat dinner tmr!

Ok I don’t bother to count the =) and =(. But anyways the day’s over. And just looking forward to tmr’s dinner! HAHA.

P.S. I’m still confused. Can’t you SAY something? UGH.

Was listening to Said Goodbye by Jielun. I guess I’ve got the same syndrome as JY now – repeating songs over and over again. Until I realised how apt the song was to us.

Said goodbye to you almost exactly two years ago for the last time. What I mean ‘last time’ was that that was the last time it felt that way. We did met up two times after that, but everything was different. You still owe me a meal coz you lost your bet.

I never thought that the farewell would be our last. Left without a word, without an explanation. A cliffhanger. And I’ve been hanging there ever since. I’m moving on, but those memories seem to have been branded into the back of my mind. I don’t call it regrets, because there’s nothing for me to regret. I’ve given my all, it was you that let me down.

I’m still trying to delete the messages from you in my old phone. But there’re still a couple in there. I know I should delete them in order to forget you, but something tells me that if I ever hit the delete button, I’ll never get them back again even if it’s for memory’s sake. That was from a chapter in my life that I can never delete.

I never knew that I’ll never see you again. And it affects me that it doesn’t affect you.

Half day event.

4 months of hard work.

1400 runners.

150 volunteers.

24 Ocommers.

1 dream.

And we made it.

RunNUS 2010. An event that will go down in NUS history as the first largest and most successful sporting event. And I’m proud to have headed the Organizing Comm together with Jiansheng. Was a journey to remember for the rest of my life.

My utmost gratefulness to my Ocommers who stayed with us for these gruelling 4 months plus, giving their best in each of the areas they were in charge of. Words alone cannot express how much I would like to thank them.

A taste of what an organized Ocomm is, far cry from what we had last year. And I learnt something very important in these two years. To be a successful leader, one must trust one’s own subordinates in each’s own field. Let them get involved, take charge and hands-on. One can never micro-manage. Coz one ain’t God.

On top of that, I wanna give each and every one of the MCs and SC people who came down to help out a HUMONGOUS hug. There’s an unspoken sense of togetherness each time an event happens. Its just heartwarming to know that there will be people that will always be there to help out and give their best for your own event. Its not their event, no one was obliged to do anything. Yet they came. The feeling is undescribable.

And thanks to the clouds that held the rain. And to God, who answered my prayers. (yes, I’m one confused Christian>.<)

Saturday morning 10am. Collect lorry with Jansen.

1130. Reached school.

1200. Went down to Sheng Siong for welfare shopping.

1300. Lunch. And signages. And a whole lot of admin stuff.

1930. Volunteer briefing. Chee Seong intro-ed each of the cell ICs and intro-ed me as the ‘Project Director , also called BOSS’. I LOL-ed. And to my surprise, the volunteers clapped. Stun.

2030. Dinner. Had Hongkong fried noodles. First time it tasted so fantastic.

2100. Final Ocomm meeting. Went through all the nitty-gritty details the last time before the final sprint.

2200. Roamed around doing stuff at the carnival. Fretting over my painful throat. Charging handphone.

2300. Rain. Had to save the world. And the weapon? The old backdrop. Used that to cover the sound equipments from the rain.

0000. Still busy.

0100. Still busy. Recce around the 10km route w JY and YL. Driven by Chin-I. (So cute, his name.)

0200. Still busy. Crapping with my beloved carnival peeps who are named ‘Shi Jie Mo Ri De Kai Shi’

0300. Caught some shut eye at last. But no trip to lalaland.

0330. Wake volunteers. Everything was a blur.

0400. Despatch volunteers. Was on the van driven by a slpy WL. Heng I didn’t have the voice to argue with him if not we would have hit a tree. LOL.

0500. Water point set up. Rain.

0600. Brough Keith (100plus) around the route to look at the waterpoints. Was driven by him ironically. Superb drifting skills he has. Flew over humps and drifted at the S. Bouna Vista road. Awesome. And he couldn’t stop talking even when I was on the phone. Come on, I really don’t know him very well. He’s just a Year 3 NUS Business student that I got to know through 100plus’ sponsorship. But oh wells. That was enjoyable. =D

0700. Drizzle. I thought it was all going to be over. And then it stopped. Blessings from heaven.

0800. Running around clearing problems that was popping up all over the place. Especially the sponsors.

0900. Zooming around in WL’s lorry. I was in front and Kyn was at the back. Took photos of the GOH running. Super funny. Kinda like paparazzi. Kyn was enjoying himself in the breeze behind and obviously only snapping photos of the girls. >.<>

1000. Shouting encouragement to runners along the way. Stopped at each waterpoint to snap group photos. Singing like crazy in the lorry with a cui-ed voice.

1100. Prize presentation. First time I’m giving out lucky draw prizes. First time I’m sitting at the VIP area. So many first times. Presented the plaque to GOH with JS.

1200. Flying around collecting volunteers. Totally shagged out by now. First time I didn’t get any bruises on my head, hands and legs from bumpy rides on any vehicles.

1300. Collect water points.

1400. Still busy.

1600. Totally nua-ed. Slept on the red chair. JY and Wl were sleeping like logs. BH, JS, KY, Arisga, ZY went out finding a lost gazebo.

1700. Started packing stuff. Throwing away paper, boxes, empty cans.

1730. Bathed at the swimming pool. WL sat at the pool after finishing to wait for me. Actually it was just an excuse for him to oogle at the bikini girls in the pool. I bet he drooled so much it could fill a pool. Went back to find that I had bathed for so long, JY had gone to bathe at RVR after waking up like finally.

1800. WL fell aslp again. Gosh. I can never have my dinner or go home. >.<>

1900. Drove the lorry out for dinner. No parking space. Drove round and round and round. Ate at Yoshimaru in the end. The ege was damn good. Gives you the ‘lian ai de gan jue’. LOL. Maybe its just me, my love for food. Daily Scoop for dinner. Coconut ice cream rocks. Jy and I realised its always 4 ppl going to ice cream parlours with we two the permanent two and Kyn, WL and ZH swopping around. LOL.

2100. Drove Kyn and JY home. Kyn’s house damn ulu can. Stuck right in some landed property area.

2200. Took to the highway. Best ending for the best day in my life. Drove on some I-don’t-know-what’s-it-called expressway. Scenery was stunning. First time in my life I’ve seen Singapore in such a wondrous light. Seriously it seemed like a dream. A beautiful, awesome dream that I want to repeat and repeat and not wake up from it. If I can, I wanna go on that route again. Make whoever that’s driving me go back and forth on it. Need to thank Dr Cheong for driving along there. =]]

2330. Home.

A dream. A hope. An everlasting memory. The most awesomest Sunday ever.

You made my dream come true.

Its heartwarming how just talking to someone can make your day so much better. I wanna say a big thank you to you, for just being there to listen. Although there’re some things that I still cannot say, its just nice to have someone to talk to at times when you’re down. No matter how little or how much, it just makes a whole lot of difference. Its good to have someone in every group of friends to talk to, one that will still know who you’re talking about.

RunNUS 2010 is nearing. Although it is just a half day event, the sheer amount of people involved in it just makes it the biggest thing for Sports club. With the event coming, my stay in Sports club is coming to an end. BH did ask me if I would like to join the MC, as he did last year. Mixed feelings, but with a conclusion. I am not going to continue in SSC anymore. I’m open to helping out in all events and activities, but MC, doubt so. Reason? I guess those who know will know it. The rest, its best you don’t.

SSC gave me my best times in NUS, but of course there were bad times as well. At the end of the day, its the good memories that will stay with me for life. And I wanna thank everyone in SSC for that. You gave me a place to belong to, a place where I’ll find friends everytime I step in. Photos and videos that will make me smile and even burst out laughing at any time any place.

Memories of...

ZH holding YR’s hands and bobbing their heads along with the clubbing music during countdown 2010,

Kynneth jumping into the mountain of cardboard boxes during RunNUS 09 race pack packing,

YP acting gay at our race pack collection,

ZH and YP’s secret rendezvous,

YL, XY and me laughing non-stop about ZH’s imaginary brother msging me that ‘he is here’,

Kynneth scolding me at the mah-jong table just because I ‘hu-ed’ with big tiles for ‘eyes’,

JY and me laughing like for two hours over nothing (Or was there something?),

KY’s evil laughter after he’s won a game at futsball,

ZH’s legendary ‘put your legs up when I’m shooting’,

BH seeking refuge at the mah-jong table when ZH started asking all the guys to drink at countdown,

ZJ cutting vegetables at our impromptu steamboat gathering,

WL calling me ‘jin zhen ku’ coz of some reason I can’t remember and me calling him Maria,

The story about ZH, YP, WL narrated by Kynneth at Marche,

ZH posing for Kyn’s camera just to get a snapshot like KY,

The one hour long walk around Sembawang that was supposed to be for me and WL to cab home but ended up as a recce around the whole estate, drinking Carlsberg, and ghost story telling...

And the list goes on..

So many memories, created by the people that I hold dear to my heart. Thank you so much.

And last but not least, I owe all this to RunNUS. The one event that brought all these to me, the one that fixed up my screwed uni life. RunNUS 2010, make my dream come true.

I really wonder how I managed to last through the past two months. I’ve got so many things to rant about, so many things that I wanna flare up on. Its coming to a time when I really wanna explode again.

I’ve got both sides of the problem to settle. Being caught in the middle is my forte. I just wanna close one eye, or even both.

I’ve got something that I want to let go, but I can’t coz I have never had it. And damn it, I’m not talking about beauty. (Stupid WL, please don’t make me hang pig head on your house door)

I’ve got pressure from people who are trying to take away my own pride and power. I’m having people around me trying to overwhelm me.

I’ve got the new sem to worry about.

I’ve lost my main pillar of support for this event. I’ve lost my drive to continue.

I’m only left with my passion for the event. Which is also ebbing away fast.

The four letter word has been in my mind for the longest of times. Q.U.I.T.

But I know i can’t. And because of that, I’m bursting at the seams.