Its alright, really.

Saturday, December 28, 2013 12:44 AM

REFLECTIONS

As 2013 comes to a close, it calls for a reflection on the past one year of ups and downs.

Looking back on the eventful year:

· My first full year of work.

· New friendships forged.

· Old friendships lost.

· First cycling trip to Ubin.

· First Japanese Summer Matsuri

· First trip to Hongkong

· First trip to Australia

· Went to S.E.A. Aquarium twice

· Attended second wedding

· First resignation of a team colleague

· First time in a long time that I felt that I didn’t have much friends

· Started cooking on weekends

· Started French lessons

· First Singapore Health & Biomedical Congress

· NHG’s moving to Nexus@One-North

· Phantom of the Opera Musical

· First Disneyland visit

· Had my first niece

· First physiotherapy sessions

· Started attending church regularly

· Dad got retrenched (Not really a bad thing)

· First Valentines’ Day in office and not a school

· First public protest – Hong Lim Park : Save Singapore, Say No to 6.9Million

· Not-the-first-time thinking that I found someone, but didn’t end up together. Not sure if I was just severely deluded.

· Started meeting most friends less than 4 times a year

Can’t remember much more so I shall stop here for the day. New Year resolutions should come next but I’ll leave that to another day.

For now, I shall just lament on an ever-repeating occurrence to me.

I spent a large portion of my life making the dear ones I love happy, regardless of gender. But again and again, life never fails to let me know that no matter how much I do, I do not get reciprocated in the same way and amount. All I wanted was to find someone whom I could see put in some effort to do something for my sake. I can safely say that no one on this Earth would even bother to take leave to celebrate my birthday with me, even if I asked for it. Who would bother wasting a day just to make me happy right? And others, they don’t even bother asking me out when I don’t ask them out. It has come to the extent that I am just happy that anyone would even initiate a meet-up (anyone, other than one-shall-not-be-named). I wonder if it’s just me. Am I just so insignificant to my dear friends for me to be able to fade out of their lives? Did I seem too desperate during those days that I initiated every meet-up? Or did they really take for granted that I would always be the initiator? Why does this also applies to someone as well? What the hell are you guys waiting for?

Or maybe, I’m just simply replaceable, just another friend, expendable.

P.S. The above does not apply to Milos, for I know that they have stood and will continue standing by me through the many seasons.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Tuesday, December 10, 2013 9:36 PM

Fought with myself for the past one week. I couldn't get it straight. I couldn't understand why things can't happen the way I though it should, the way things happen to others. I wondered how long I had to wait.

Let leak my emotions online. I thought by doing the extremes I could psycho myself that it's all over, that I wasn't actually waiting, that I could take a chill pill and put a full stop to everything. But who am I kidding?

Now I'm just sitting here, seeing signs of your subtle replies in some medium or another, hoping that I am just thinking too much about it and that they aren't things that you actually wanted to tell me. Afraid of losing what I have, or more like losing what I don't.

Scared, to the core.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road