Some people ask me why do I even bother to cook just for myself. Frankly, it isn't really about cooking great tasting food for myself to eat that spurs me to continue with my weekly cook-outs. I really rather share my cooking with everyone.It's this nice warm sense of achievement when I successfully whip up a nice dish, display it in tantalising ways, taking delicious looking photos from the right angles and of course, the recognition I get from all those who follow me on Facebook and Instagram. The whole process is a therapeutic, feel-good activity.
These days, I realised that I've experienced and learnt alot. I've finally learnt that happiness cannot be derived from others anymore. Yes, I once lived a life for others. Where I was happy when my friends were happy, where I was sad when I couldn't get them to smile, where I would do everything to see them smile again. I still love smiles, above everything else. But I learnt that I cannot rely on that anymore. I learnt that the hard way. I couldn't walk away from the life I had previously. I had my friends around me almost 24/7 then, now I barely see some of them. Everyone's busy with life, work and not forgetting their other halves. I used to be adamant that as an extrovert, I couldn't live without seeing my friends for more than a week. I used to.
Now, I've and still am trying to find happiness that I can derive from myself. And I come to the realisation that there are many things that we can do ourselves that give us happiness. People walk in and out of our lives. I've learnt to accept that. We were born as 'individuals', singular and distinct. And eventually we will walk out of this life alone as well. We were made to live our own lives, make our own decisions, find our own happiness. Like what many famous people say, do not worry about the things that you cannot control. Focus on the things you can. I cannot control whether my friends would want to meet me out to chill. I cannot control whether they like me or not. I cannot control what they feel, when they are happy or sad. But I can control whether I want to be happy, what I can do to make myself happy. And so I've learnt.
Gone were the days when I was sad when I was alone. Now, I do the things I like alone. And the interaction with friends becomes a bonus. I'm not saying that I've swung to the other extreme of becoming an introvert, I'm still the ultra extroverted me. It's just that I've understood that being alone isn't all that bad. It gives us time to think, to reflect and to become a better person. And of course,for me to discover hidden talents along the way.
I still feel sad and scared when I think that perhaps one day I'll be all alone in the world after my parents are gone. But then again, I think of all the less fortunate people - the blind, the deaf, the impoverished, the disabled, the uneducated. I've got the money, I've got the brains, I've got the skills, I'm almost the total opposite of an introvert and I don't look that bad alright. I'll probably live a life so much better than them. As long as I'm willing to step out there, I won't be lonely. Perhaps if that day really comes and I have a huge bank of money, I'll build a school for the less fortunate. Who says all grown-ups must have kids themselves? I'll have many of them then.
I'm now alone. But no longer lonely. Because I have at the very least, me, myself and yeah, I..
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
my own dusty road
