Saturday, January 12, 2013 2:25 AM
Today I've confirmed yet again my doubt about our friendship. I question the reason behind us still sticking together, still seeing each other on a frequent basis. Why can't I be like the rest, just ignoring those who get on my nerves or let me down in one way or more. Why can't I get angry and stay angry like how most people do when someone offends me?
We ran along the whole of orchard yesterday in search of your present, and all you can reply in return is a 'ok, it's quite nice'? You were reminded that my birthday was approaching soon as well and you just turned to me and ask, what do you want for your birthday? To be honest, I have no desire to make your life that easy. I don't bother about the price that you are willing to pay. To me, birthdays are for thoughts. Gifts are a message sent. I strongly believe that it's the thought that really matters. The effort that you put in in thinking about what to give rather than the monetary value of it. Even something cheap but handmade is worth much more to me than a Prada. I cannot curb my urge to get pissed off by the fact that you had the 'let's get your birthday over and done with' attitude, when you know fairly well the pains we went thru to prepare for yours. I don't care if you end up not giving me anything for birthday, not treating me to anything for birthday and not even wishing me at all. But I really didn't like that moment when you just swept me aside
Besides, it was so damn obvious that whether I stayed on or not didnt matter to you at all. What mattered was whether he stayed. So why am I there in the first place? I hate it when you give me that blank stare with the nonchalant look that conceals disdain. Whether I'm present or not didnt matter. I was invited for the sole reason that if I wasn't, he wouldn't have gone as well. You know how awful that feels to be only wanted for a reason like that? And not for who you are?
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road