Haven’t been blogging for quite a while already. I bet there probably isn’t any who is still reading this blog, checking it every now and then, only to find that the owner hasn’t updated yet again. I have had the urge to blog here and there, but there are always things around that are more exciting/worth doing/time-consuming/important/fun to do.

Have been occupied with FYP lately, coming home to watch ‘Bu Bu Jing Xin’ each night is almost my only form of entertainment. Haven’t been talking much to anyone either. There isn’t much people in the lab anyways and if there are, they aren’t fun to talk to. On top of that, I realized I really don’t like to talk much when I’m doing work. My mind needs the utmost concentration. I can’t multi-task and if I do try, I end up putting my verbal mind on autopilot and saying nonsense stuff. So I definitely appreciate much the occasional HTHT/gossip/chit-chat sessions that I have with my beloved friends.

Talking about friends, I’ve come to understand that they are by far the most precious things on Earth. (Ok, beside parents that is.) Pardon me on this if you do not agree, but I firmly believe that friends are more valuable than siblings. You may say that I’ve never had the chance to really understand what it means to have siblings, but I’ve seen my fair share of the downside of having them around. I have never, and I really mean NEVER, wanted any siblings of my own. Yes, even when I was young. I’m not selfish, it’s not like I don’t want to share the things that I have. I love giving to others, it’s way easier for me to buy things for others than to shop for myself. So why then, do I never wanted siblings?

Friends are of choice. Siblings are not. That’s what I have always thought. I have the right to choose who I want to hang out with, who I want to share my deepest secrets with, to help and be helped. You can choose your friends, be as close as you can be, share everything. But you can’t choose who your siblings are, what personalities they have, what type of person they will be. If you get a sibling that fits your own personality, that’s a bonus. If you don’t, they only exist to tie you down. A blood bond that is said to not be broken, that blood is thicker than water. Something that you try to flick away but will never leave.

I’ve heard stories of how well siblings get along with each other when young only to turn into mortal enemies as they age. Now that I’ve seen such drama for myself in my own family, I cannot help but be silently glad about the fact that I’m the only child. Since young I never had any thought that I could one day rely on my relatives for help or company in the future, may it be that I’ve gone bankrupt, met an accident or never got married. Now I’m also glad I was brought up thinking in such a way.

I’ve given up on my relatives. If they can’t even help their own mother, why would they even bother to help me?

I painted a picture of a bleak future for myself. I fairly well know that parents can’t be with me for the rest of my life even if I hope/pray/beg for it. Friends, I guess, will leave my side one by one to start their next phase of life. Hopefully with the exception of some. And maybe or maybe not it’s too early to say, I don’t seem to have much luck in the affairs of the heart (Oh no, valentine’s coming). So till now, I can only see a future of I, me and myself. Gotta live with it. May God grant me the strength.

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