N,N-bis(diphenylphosphanylmethyl)aminothiocarbamide

The one word that will probably keep me company for the next four days, as I try my best to celebrate the coming of 2012.

2011 is coming to an end very very soon now. Has been a topsy-turvy one year. I can’t remember the fine details anymore since they have all been overwhelmed by major events that slammed into my world. Shall we take a walk down memory lane right now, before I return to the bed or continue cramming more things into my FYP oral presentation slides.

2011 started with Year 3 Sem 2. Last sem as an undergraduate (year 4s are considered honours students instead of undergraduates, as technically we have graduated from undergrad studies). A sem without Ah Ma around school. The MC got so much closer after the Pangkor trip in the previous Dec. Can’t believe it has already been one year now. So many unforgettable memories there, so many have beens, and how I wish so badly to return to those times. Scanning the photos bring both a smile and tears to me. I rejoice at the happy moments we once had, when we still had a lot of fun just getting to know one another. Yet I lament at the fact that we cannot return there anymore, and that things in my perspective have never been as good as then anymore. I see photos of WL hugging Arisga when given his birthday present, I see us laughing altogether as a team, I see us pushing bikes up 45 degree slopes and helping one another, I see us kayaking and capsizing each other, and I see the faces of people that I haven’t seen for quite awhile already. Those are things that will never come back. I reminisce the past and will cherish them as long as I live. But those happy times started vanishing some time in May.

I’ve always known how relationships beyond friendship can disrupt lives, but I never thought it would affect me so much. And one after another. Time and again, it taught me how some things in life can never be under one’s control and that sometimes luck really comes into play. It was the first time that I’ve ever stood on the other side of the canyon – the receiving end. I wonder if those who have stood there before while I stood on the opposite side have ever thought about the same things and felt the same way as me. I’ll probably never forget about this year because of these. I’m still wondering and pondering whether I could have done this another way, where there wouldn’t be as much tears shed and blood spilled (ok, exaggeration here). I fairly well know what is in the past has passed and what matters most is what lies ahead, but who can help thinking about the past?

Friends getting attached and more friends getting attached. Good for Singapore’s marriage campaign. Every other day you get news of people getting attached, and amazingly SC has got alot of couples right now (compared to previous years). Of coz there’re still some ambiguous ones going on. Almost contributed myself, but well, fate is not to be. I’m happy for them, finding someone that they can rely on in times of need and to support each other. But on the other hand, from the pathetic and ever pessimistic perspective of a long-term singleton, it just means there’s less and less AND less people to hang out frequently with as time passes. Some of them disappear faster and cleaner than any teleportation device. It’s times like this that I secretly hope romance never existed in this world (can’t say ‘love’, since I love my friends too!).

On the theme of departure, I saw my coursemates graduate and throw their mortars. People who have walked through university life for 3 years with me (regrettably, we were never very close and I don’t see you guys anymore) and people whom I have only gotten to know for a year or so but have had tremendous fun with. From then, I dream of the day that I will be able to walk that route on the stage as they have all taken and throw my mortar for a brighter future.

2011 wasn’t only about cracked friendships and drifting aways. It also brought some closer to me. Ones whom I’ve thought was already at the limits of our friendship. Put down my dreams and welcomed a better reality. Gained some deeper bonds that would see me through the cruelty of the hons year. Actually I’m happy we will be graduating together.

And then FYP. The ‘ordeal’ started in August and won’t end till next May. I’ve halfway through already, having my oral progress report on 11 Jan which is like in two weeks and I’m not done with my slides yet. Totally freaking out. Many of my fellow chemists have been ranting about labwork since the start of the project, about how we only face chemicals all day, how it’s hard to stand around in the lab the whole day and wait for reactions and samplings, basically how life suck with FYP. Well, I agree that life turns into a vacuum cleaner with FYP but I’m pretty into labwork! What’s wrong with waiting around for reactions to occur? Slacking is my one of my many fortes. What’s wrong with facing chemicals all day? Just go ahead and talk to them! It’s true that chemists in the lab are all severely deprived of social life and human-human communications throughout the whole day. It’s surprising that I, of all people, can like such a life. I can still talk to people after work and during lunch right? And it’s only when you have been deprived, that you start to cherish the times spent talking (don’t roll your eyes, it’s true) and not take it for granted anymore.

As this year comes to a closure, I hope to put whatever that has happened this year away. Shut them all in a box and shove it into the deepest and darkest corner. 2011 wasn’t the best of years but definitely one worth keeping somewhere in the pile-ful of memories. I sincerely hope that 2012 will bring more fun, laughter and perhaps luck and that the people around me or who have once been around me will be blessed with good health and a fruitful year ahead.

So... Sayonnara 2011, Konnichiwa 2012!

P.S. To my non-existent bf,

I think it’s time for you to materialise and hopefully it isn’t Mission Impossible V : Hantu Protocol. LOL.