Friday, September 24, 2010 9:19 AM
You know how long it takes to turn an awesome day into one that leaves you wishing that this day never existed? 5 minutes.
That was all it took to turn my awesome day-that-i-finally-got-my-Iphone-after-waiting-for-so-damn-long into one that I wished I could forget. At least parts of it.
Try getting suan-ed by a bunch, or maybe just a couple of people that you treat as a huge part of your life, going on about some things that know no limits. Just for that five minutes.
Yes, I know you guys love to suan me coz you know that I don’t get angry. And I admit that if no one does that to me for an entire day at SC, I would feel a little weird. Yes, I do not get angry easily coz I don’t see the point of it. If everyone’s happy doing so, then why not let them? After all, I live for my friends, and they simply being happy makes my day. But a boundary, a limit still applies to it. No matter how many energy levels an atom has, there is still one that just draws the line at whether the electron stays in or gets ionised. And I’ll break after that.
Whether it’s the truth (you just kept insisting it is, which doesn’t make it better) or otherwise (which I would rather delude myself with), it still hurts ok. I may have higher tolerance levels, but it’s not like I’m bulletproof or anything.
I guess no one saw the 360 degree change in my inner weather. I was trying not to show anything. Because I see no point in doing so, only to make the whole atmosphere change with me. I know it will only help to destroy me further, but I take it to be my weakness – friends ahead of oneself.
If I didn’t care about what you have said, it just shows that you don’t mean a thing to me. And it isn’t my fault that you do.
If you really think that the stuff you’re saying or just going to is the truth, 90% of the time I’m already aware of it. You really don’t have to rub it in.
You know how long it takes to burn off the frustration? A whole night and a 6K cycle.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Tuesday, September 21, 2010 10:41 AM
Met Ah Ma yesterday. After much talking, discussing, bitching, ranting, we still hadn’t come to a solution for our problems. As usual. Like we have for the past 8 years?
Analysed the diverse problems of the four of us. The couple life of Ah Ma, the anti-social life of Selian, the non-existent dream life of Xing and you-should-know-what-kind-of-life I have. Four of us. Different personalities, different mindsets, different perspective on life and its issues. Really, if we walk on the road together without speaking, no one would be able to tell that we’re a clique. One from Art, one from Engin, one from Business, one from Science. How different can you get. We’ve covered almost all aspects of education, faith and values. I guess its the diversity that draws us together. We share our views, reason out to get a better conclusion, listen to others to learn how others may feel about our situation and at the end of the day, assess the situation for ourselves. Maybe that’s why we never seem to come to a conclusion or a solution even after so long. Because, inside, we have already formed our own. We really make a good case study for psych majors.
We did come up with a solution to our problems. But it isn’t exactly something that is very realistic. Here it goes:
1. Ah Ma and I will do PhD together, in our respective field.
2. We’ll somehow invent some new element, like in the Iron Man II movie. Ah Ma will analyse the geological structure and infrastructure of some country (apparently we quoted Zimbabwe coz of our fond memory of geography in secondary school), while I’ll fuse the structure of the new element together with her analysis.
3. We’ll apply for the Nobel prize and win it.
4. Patent the finding for 18years and get money for it.
5. Start up a huge money-making company and make Matthew the CEO.
6. Host parties everyday for Selian
7. Ah Ma and I will shake leg and drink Teh Peng everyday and get high.
8. All problems solved. =]
We’re super retarded, ain’t we? =P The only truth in there is that we both are REALLY considering taking PhD together, which takes about another 4 years.
Hmmm.... If only I can solve my problem before that. If not, its really too late.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Friday, September 17, 2010 9:32 AM
I know what you wanna ask. And of course I have always wanted my reply to be what you want it to be too. Not the usual, ' Well, nothing happened'. That's so boring, isn't it? But that's life. It makes you cherish the stuff, people you have even more.
Side note : Hanging out with a majority of guys and watching movies like the A-team doesn't make you any more feminine. Tell me which average girl gets the adrenaline rush when there's like millions of explosions going on screen and loves the sound and sight of choppers esp the Apache(I mean helicopters). Roger that.
Shall drown myself in mugging and webcasting, before the next wave of emo-ness sweeps over again.
Over and out.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Sunday, September 12, 2010 11:08 AM
Somehow I agree to the statement above. But I still wanna let it out.My mum got all pissed by the maid yesterday when we went over to my grandma’s house to visit for her birthday. Reason? The maid ‘fought’ for food with us at the zi char dinner downstairs. What a ridiculous thing to be angry about! My mum was like ‘she doesn’t know her place as a maid. Even if my daughter was like that, I would have scolded her like anything. Why can’t I even scold the maid?’ Its always like that every time we go there.
If not the maid, it’ll probably be about how my dad’s sisters don’t seem to care about my grandma anymore although in the past (when Mata still wear shorts) my grandma was so much better to them than to us. Yes, my dad’s the only son, but still, daughters are always ‘better’ than daughter-in-laws. I’ve seen the ugly side of having siblings. Maybe I’ve seen too much. I recall that when I was very very young (and i really meant young like once I could talk?), I’ve never wanted a sibling. I hear friends in school complaining about theirs put me off the thought. I surprised all my elders by responding with a firm NO when asked if I would like a brother or a sister. It wasn’t like I was selfish or anything (perhaps just a little self-centred, by the sign of Capricorn), I totally enjoyed sharing all my stuff with my friends. But since young, I’ve understood that friends are people that you mix with by choice. Siblings are not. And they will be tied to you for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. I don’t know that there’s so many instances whereby siblings get along perfectly fine, and happily ever after. But I just don’t seem to appreciate or envy them. For I know that there’s something called MONEY – the root of all evils. You see siblings fighting over money in the long run, its the cruel reality of life. Its our survival instinct.
My aunts are all great pretenders, great actors. I could present the next Emmy award to them. They have gone to church for so many years and did all that bible studies for nothing. They don’t do what they should be doing. And when they have problems, they just sit around and ask others to pray for them. But really, God only helps those who help themselves. I can sit around and pray in church whole day long, but if I don’t go out there to try to solve my own problem, I have only myself to blame. I just wanna tell them this, 人在做天在看.
If its not about my aunts, then its about my grandma. Things that she say, things that she commented on, will somehow piss off my mum. Its extremely lucky that we don’t live together long term. I guess if we did, I would have been the first to commit suicide. Everyone in the family loves to tell me their side of the story (and this seems to apply to my friends too!).
If its not about my grandma, its about me or my dad saying something to piss her off. I guess its like when she’s at my grandma’s house, her senses are all on high-sensitivity. Never once have we left the place happy or just in a neutral mode. Can’t blame me for not being close to any of my relatives, including my cousins.
I wonder what’s in for me in the future. I’ve often thought about what will happen to me if I end up alone and perhaps requiring some help somewhere down the long path of life. Would you as my friend help me? Cause I know, my cousins wouldn’t.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Friday, September 10, 2010 1:49 PM
C
hanced upon this pic. Totally caught my eye. So sweet, ain't it?
Have been hanging out in clubroom for the past don't-know-how-many-days. Was supposed to mug there. Extremely successful at it when there's only me and TC in the room. I've resorted to moving out from the MC room and into MR1. Such great extents. All in the name of a higher CAP.
BUT. Still i'm catching on to the sports club wave. Or call it the Rise of the Narcissism and Gayness. Or is it just a couple of us like that? I'm not gay ok, I can't be anyways. But seems like in the club, you're either a narcissist or gay (applicable only to guys, which doesn;t make a difference since we're hugely populated with guys anyways). Oh and of the the minority who have the great honour of being the audience.
Had so many times that I wanted to slap myself for saying things that was totally over my conscience. Seriously, I admit I'm NOT gorgeous at all. HAHA. In fact, I have the best hidden inferior complex of all. Its somewhere hidden deep inside which i somehow end up digging it up on long emo bus rides home. [Which brings me to realised why I've been rather happy these days, having no chances for long emo bus rides - have had TC going home with me on most days (fellow SC mugger)] And it makes me wonder if the rest of the narcissist clan are facing the world in the same shoes as me. Do we all share the same thoughts? Are we the ones who prefer facing reality alone?
Be an Optimist Prime, not a Negatron.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Saturday, September 04, 2010 9:49 PM
Presenting to you - NUS Students' Sports Club 31st Management Committee.
I know I did say I wasn't going to continue in Sports Club anymore. But like when I was younger and said things like 'I will never wear contact lens' and 'I will never put on braces', it wasn't ever going to come true. I followed my heart, ignored my brain.
RunNUS 2010 came and left with an empty hole in me, yearning to be filled again with something else that meant LIFE. I wasn't ready to face the university life without the precious friendship that I have made during the two years in sports club. I wasn't ready to be alone again in the cold world outside. I needed somewhere to belong to. I admit I'm an attention-seeking sucker.
The incoming committee. Full of wondeful people, people that i've known for a long time, and people who I've never spoken to before. But somehow somewhere in me has that feeling that the new term will be good.
I was impressed by KY's speech today. Just a simple one, but confident and 'stable'. There ain't many who impress me or can make me look up to them. But I guess he's one of them. Way to go, Mr President.
(I'm so sleepy i can't really think properly anymore)
Studies over chance. Will I regret it?
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road