I’m not a person fond of conflicts with people. I have enough conflicts with myself already.

But at times like these, I really wanna just give the people a piece of my mind, to just voice what the heck I’m feeling, to just confront people in the face. But I can’t bring myself to do it.

A constant reminder in my mind tells me not to, to let things lie as long as they get done by some one or another. Its just a little while longer.

This was supposed to be my university dream. I will not shatter it by some self-emotions. I wanna see it come true, no matter how much I put in or how little I am allowed to.

I wanna rant it to someone, but I know no one will understand it more than I do. I know I talk exceptionally alot, but I also know that barely anyone will listen.

What I need now is tolerance. To see me till the end.

P.S.

I do know that the words in the picture mean ninja. But can't it also refer to someone who has tolerance? LOL.

I thought you would understand. I thought since you knew all of them, you would know what’s going through my mind. But I was wrong. I forgot that our minds, though similar, are not wired in the exact same way. The conflicts, the politics, the I-dunno-what-to-call-that-but-I-just-know-its-sucks. Now I understand why people talk to themselves. Because at the end of the day, you come to realise that the only one who would understand the situations you’re in, who would agree with your decisions and stand by you, is you yourself. Everyone’s experience is unique. We can all do the same things together, go through thick and thin together. But we all still have different experiences both physically and mentally. We have different point of views.

I really hope I don’t have to start talking to myself though. But you, you and you would never understand. And I totally don’t detect the willingness or initiative to try to. Oh well. It’ll soon be over. Soon.

The more you plan for an event, the more depressing it gets. And it doesn’t help that when you’re chairing the meeting, the whole scene is like a replay in a graveyard. Silence, silence and more silence. With experience, you try to help by comparing stuff with last year’s, yet people tell you that we cannot compare anything to last year’s because it was just a failure.

You need to have expectations, you wanna push the numbers up yet you dare not urge your close friends to join for fear that you might let them down again.

Your views clash with your co-PD’s views but he has the support of ‘Da Lao Ban’ and you only have your ‘Lao Ban’ as ‘support’. You wanna lash out at him for being undecisive and for having his priorities all wrong, but you can’t coz you’re afraid that it would bring more problems to the whole thing.

All these only give you more struggles and conflicts within yourself. Everything is pushing you to quit. But you know you can’t, you shouldn’t and you are not a quitter. And that’s what you’re psychoing yourself right now and will continue to do so.

Btw, Paul the Octopus rocks ok. To whoever of you who are contemplating of octopus barbeque, BEWARE. HAHA.