Was scrolling around trying to find a picture to represent the stuff I’m feeling today when i came across this. This is what I call EPIC SHIT. Ok, I searched ‘Shit happens’ on weheartit.com which gives the bestestest and nicestest inspiring pictures whether it inspires more emoing or cheers you up. And guess what, this picture lit me up instantaneously. It’s super offensive but somehow it just hits all the right areas. Well, shows that we can still sometimes find gold in the shittest of all times.

The No. 1 fact of life : SHIT HAPPENS.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Suddenly I felt that I had the best life anyone could ever ask for. It always takes something to compare with to make one realise how fortunate one is. I never had to worry about finances from young, I always had people to talk to. I always had love from my parents, and the crazy things we do together, like which dad watches spongebob with his daughter, which mother tries desperately to put make up on her daughter when she’s already 21 years old making her look like ‘ru hua’. Who’s family goes nuts over Ip Man and discusses non-stop for one entire week? Who still goes out cycling at East Coast with their parents on weekends? Who watches anime with their kids on the small computer screen? I do all of that listed above. I won’t ask for more.

Of course I have my fair share of horrible days. Thinking of the imminent day that I will go blind, due to severe myopia or some eye infection, emo-ing about my non-existent love life and worrying over the numerous minor ailments I have from time to time. But if I had a choice, I would leave it the way it is. So that I can be my parents’ kid and my friends’ friend all over again. It’s a small price to pay for all the blessings I’ve been given. And yes, I’m thankful everyday that I can still wake up to see the world in the brightest colours it can ever be, no matter how blurry it is, no matter if the people I see have their faces on them. Sometimes, being not so able to see, makes you more able to feel. I love my life. And my heart goes out to you, my neighbour.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Reading Selian’s blog entry on her 21^st, I came to realise that so many years and things have passed since we got to know each other. And actually that was also the time when life really began for me. Hadn’t had a fantastic childhood. Being the only one in the family, no exposure to others of my age and desperate for friendship, my feelings were manipulated, prodded around with a stick and pushed to the limits. That may explain the large extent of tolerance I have till this day. (Look at how much I have tolerated the things spilling out from Kyn’s mouth). I had no idea that at such a tender age, life could be so political. I hated my teachers, didn’t click with the girls around me and hung out with the guys. They were so much less complicated.

Secondary school was happening. But everything was happening AROUND me. And not involving me, myself and I. Selian and Xing probably was more involved in the issues going around than I was. All those romantic escapdes, emo sessions, running away from the class to emo, dramatic break-ups, all didn’t link to me. Come to think of it, it was a false sense of belonging. A false sense of involvement. But nonetheless, much better than in primary school. And what stayed with me was the yearning to have friends around me.

JC was the first time when I felt wanted, felt I belonged. Its an undescribable feeling. Something that I had wanted but didn’t get for years. Uni was just ok. At least I felt belonged to somewhere in the school, and there was somewhere that I could go without feeling that like I was an intruder. But yet the ‘happenings around me’ came back. I was just a calefare. (Don’t even know how to spell). I guess I’m just as disposable as the next Kleenex tissue you are going to use. Oh wells.

Oh and last point, my dear Elroy, you’ll be losing your bet in six weeks time. Year two’s ending in six weeks and yes, I’m still not attached. Be prepared to treat me dinner. Thanks in advance!

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

I call for a meeting. Two turn up. Four say they’re not free. I accept that you have lessons, but why are there people who tell me repeated excuses like dental appointments, interviews, ‘oh i’m just not free at the moment’. If you are so damn busy, why do you want to join us instead? I send out an email, no one replies. I send out an SMS, no one replies. When I tell you that you need to cut your section shorter, you blame me saying that I did not tell you earlier and you give me a five page long essay. I explain to you my rationale and you say, ok It’s your call. HELLO? This is not MY project. Its OURS. I have heard of stories from my friends complaining about their PDs being authoritative and demanding, and i don’t want to be like that. But does it seem that that is the only way I should work?

And damnit, I know that you have freaking powderful England. But when I tell you that your words are too fanciful for a marketing proposal, i really mean it. It doesn’t mean that you just take out some sentences from what you have done. You give me wonderful English that none of us, and i think even none of the companies, can understand I’m fine with that. But you don’t even come for a single meeting. How can i work with someone that I’ve never met before.

And you, the other one. We’re doing the proposal TOGETHER. Not as individuals, but as a team. And you can tell me that ‘ok i’m fine with it. I’ll just do up a proposal for myself and send it out to the companies’ Come on, doesn’t the proposal need to go through the higher ups? You compare us with Science club, saying that why is it so troublesome to go through vetting in SSC. That’s basically the reason why I’m in Sports club and NOT in Science club. That’s the reason why Sci club can only do internal events. Which part of the phrase GENERIC PROPOSAL do you not understand?
Nevermind, if i go on like that I’ll get some high blood pressure or something else. It’s not worth it. Not say that I never handled all the marketing myself before. It doesn’t hurt if i need to do that again. But I hope I don’t have to. Because I don’t have people like TZH and YP to back me up. I don’t have the pillar anymore, I am the pillar.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

隐形的翅膀

每一次 都在徘徊孤单中坚强
每一次 就算很受伤
也不闪泪光
我知道 我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞 飞过绝望

不去想 他们拥有美丽的太阳
我看见 每天的夕阳
也会有变化
我知道 我一直有双隐形的翅膀
带我飞 给我希望

我终于 看到
所有梦想都开花
追逐的年轻 歌声多嘹亮

我终于 翱翔
用心凝望不害怕
哪里会有风 就飞多远吧

隐形的翅膀
让梦恒久比天长
留一个 愿望
让自己想象

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

I’m the daughter of Helios. I think that’s the only explanation why my mood changes with the weather. Helios is the Greek god of the sun. (Too much Percy Jackson) Back to bright sunny weather and the storms inside have cleared.

I’ve thought about it through and through. We’re more like siblings than we can be more than that and I guess it’ll be so much better that way. Everything was just a creation from within my conscious mind and it shall end there. Another cycle has come to an end but I hope the next time round, it wouldn’t have to be a full circle anymore. Time will tell.

Now its time for mugging, mugging and more mugging. BANKAI!!!!

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Finding that special one is like buying lottery. If you get it, happiness is a guarantee. But how long it will last depends on the amount won. Some can last you for your entire life, some will just give you the short-lived high. If it didn’t last, like for example striking only hundred bucks, you’ll just go and buy another ticket again. Each lottery ticket comes with a price and with that price comes hope. The price of dangling your heart out in the open as a bait. When you fail to strike in that round, you try again. And each time you hope a little less. And with every round you fail to strike, the hope fades and fades and one day, you’ll find that its even hard to convince yourself to try again anymore.

I’m nearing the final stage. I’m buying the wrong number at the wrong time.

Wrong person wrong time. And the cycle repeats itself.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

I shocked myself. Was coming home after dinner with JY. Crossing the road to my house, I had a sudden urge to just stand in the middle of the road and let fate take its course. And I mean the traffic road. I know its late at night and there aren’t many cars around, but the sudden idea still shocked me.

Perhaps it was the long bus ride home. And my tendency to slip into the depths of emo-ness on the bus. One minute I was chatting happily with JY, the other minute I was looking through my life, thinking about what a huge failure I am. I guess its those pent up feelings of desolation and despair that I bring along in my life everyday. They have to come out some time and somewhere. Its just a matter of when. And it seems like these days, I just have a little more of them. Not too much, just enough of them to suddenly shock myself with suicidal thoughts. (Don’t worry guys, I’m alright. Just a sudden scare.)

The rush of emotions come and go with the flow of people. When I’m surrounded by people, I stuff all these to the back of my mind. And when its too much to store, it comes flowing all out on the bus rides home. Perhaps that explains why I like to take the bus home alone. I need a venue to let out. I need space to talk to myself. Try as I may, I can’t seem to open up to anyone. Yes guys, I haven’t been totally honest about everything, my evil thoughts, my sadistic ones and of course, those worries and problems I bury deep inside. I’m suffocating, I know that. But they will still stay hidden away from the surface for as long as they take to fade. You ask me why, I can only tell you that no one will benefit from me telling them about it, on top of the fact that I doubt anyone will be interested in listening to me rant on and on about them. Everyone has their own problems and I don’t want to add on the pessimism of humanity.

I don’t need anyone to be mean to me, since the meaniest person in the world to me is myself. I destroy myself. I join the league of people in the society that is mean to me. I use their words on myself, I secretly take what they say seriously. I hope people don’t mean what they say, but a part of me agrees with them all the time. If my injury could bring happiness to people around me, I am willing to die in your hands.

I think I should take a walk. My thoughts are getting out of hand. Who needs a psychiatrist when you can talk to yourself?

P.S.

When you’ve tasted the other side, you’ll come to understand what it means by ‘ignorance is bliss’.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Happening weekend. I haven’t had such a weekend since the end of last sem’s holidays.

Went for a hair cut on Friday with my dear Ah Ma. The service was freaking good, accompanying a freaking GOOD price as well. 38 bucks. First time I spent more than thirty on myself, besides for good food. As I sat there letting the hairstylist blow my hair, I told myself, I’ll earn lots and lots of money to afford a haircut of such quality every week! =D

Caught Alice in Wonderland with Ah Ma and Ah Gong too. Don’t need to go into detail of how bright I was. All I can say is that I’m at least 20000 kilowatts. Not that I feel very uncomfortable or anything, training with Gab and Pris helps with the closing of both eyes. Now tell me why I shouldn’t be emo. LOL. I would be a stone if I’m not. For your info, I don’t do stone. I rock.

Steamboat on Saturday night. TZH + JY + KYN + ME. We planned for it to be in clubroom but due to the lack of people, we went to turf city instead! Which was a rather good choice. We should have our steamboats there next time. PS-ed by quite a handful of people, including Dr Cheong which meant that I didn’t have a invisible Ferrari to ride home. HAHA.

It was the first time I went back to Turf City since my JC badminton camp. And what an eventful camp that was. All those memories. Flashback. Turf City. Place where I did my first and last confession to a guy. Could still remember the exact place where we sat. Come to think of it now, its terribly hilarious. Oh well.

Udders after dinner. Bailey’s and Bourbons was not as nice as Tira-miss-u. But of course, the ice creams were not as entertaining as TZH. Apparently Kyn had this very nice shot of Keng Yong. Nice and natural. And being the highly egoistic and narcissistic TZH, he tried to pose like that too. Please refer to Facebook videos for more information.

Finally a non-emo post. It feels weird to post non-emo stuff.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Do you still remember me?

Do you still remember how we used to sit at the canteen just to feel the strong wind blow?

Do you stll remember how we scared the toilet auntie once when we were laughing too hard?

Do you still remember how we labelled each teacher as our idols?

Do you still remember how we had to avoid stepping on the numerous centipedes and millipedes on our way to classes because the school was flooded with them?

Do you still remember how we used to go to Gelare every Tuesday just to eat the half-price waffles?

Do you still remember the times we kept going to East Coast to blade and cycle?

Do you still remember the bbq at one of your houses, where i almost got thrown into the pool while trying to peel prawns for you?

Do you still remember how many cups of apple-orange juices we drank a day?

Do you still remember how we ran 4km everyday just because we got nothing better to do and the sun was nice and hot?

Do you still remember how we walked out of school through a muddy path on the last day that i was there?

Do you still remember how we wasted our time talking crap with the Knights of the Round tables in the canteen while skipping Lit classes?

When we’ve graduated and working in the cold and fake world, will you still remember me?

When we’re all busy with our own families and children, will you still remember me?

When we’re old and more parts of us are sagging than toned, will you still remember me?

When I’m dead and gone, will you still remember me?

Came across your profile on Facebook today. I do not know if you still remember me. What I do know is that i still remember the wonderful times we had together, regardless of the ultra-short period that it was. And i will remember in the times to come, the times we shared, the stupid things we did. But it made me wonder, how many of the people will still be there long after I’ve first met them? By then, how many would still remember me?

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road