For the last time, i don’t have anyone on my mind right now. I finally understood what’s a crush. Congratulate me. So i'm one step closer to SDU again. HAHA.

Oh and its only the second week into holidays. Why does it feel so long? i guess i'm too busy to have notice time passing.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

Super duper uber tired right now. Don’t feel like moving anymore. But i’m still going cycling at East Coast tomorrow. Hope it’ll help me get over my emo-ness that clouded me throughout the week. Its weird to have that cloud over my head when i’m not supposed to be emo-ing when i have so much on hand. Had meetings on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Need to apologise for being late on the last two meetings. Luckily i didn’t listen to the three evil beings that were dissuading me from going for the meeting yesterday after badminton, if not i would have been killed by my comm ppl.

Now, to explain my unidentified emo-ness. I can’t exactly pin-point what triggered that. I only know that it happened for the same reason everytime i emo. Questioning my self-worth. It always bothers me. I think i really have a lack of confidence. And it seems to have gotten worse since i started uni. I wanna get it back. It was at its peak in JC i think, given the fact that i was the happiest then. I didn’t care what others thought about me back then, i didn’t give a damn if there were people who loathed me. I was just who i am. And i was happy. And now, i lost my sense of crap. I think its partly coz of exams and partly coz i haven’t been talking to my juniors for a very long while. Losing my crap is losing my everything. Guess you guys can feel it too. I should stop emo-ing. Emo is bad.

Badminton yesterday was fun! Its been so long since i could play like that. There’s this undescribable ‘shuang-ness’ in every smash that i deliver, every drive that i make and every drop shot that i give. Though not all were perfect. The adrenaline rush is freaking ultra good. The after effect was good too. I’m half side paralysed with muscle aches. Lol. But it still feels good. People, we should just go play more often! =DDD

Meetings were equally fun as well. And there were nice muesli bars to eat too! <3 i love meetings. At least i can escape from home during the day. Hee hee. Fortunate to have a team like that, to be able to clique and to crap together. Crapping is essential for bonding. But somehow, i got a slight feeling that i’m getting a lil too noisy for my own good. (ah, so that’s another reason for me being emo!)>.< please don’t hate me for being like that okays?

Met up with Selian and Xing today for a loooong walk at the Botanical Gardens. Talked alot (as usual). We’ve got so many years to talk about. I applaud Selian’s ability to remember all the itty-bitty tiny details that happened during the four years in Anderson. So many memories, just within such a short period. I wonder how much i’ve changed. And i came to realise that i wasn’t very involved in the relationships and friendship turmoils that happened so very frequently in sec sch. Amazed by how many different relationships that happened then, until we, as on-lookers, can’t even keep track. And us three were shut out of that mess as merely on-lookers. To put it straight, we were never in any relationships then. Ok, as well as now. How sad. And i wonder how relationships happen. Aiyah, here i go again. I should just be happy being single and carefree. Yes, i should.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

I’m sick and tired of being at home and getting shouted at the first thing in the morning. i’m not supposed to use the laptop, i’m not supposed to read newspaper for too long, i’m not supposed to play the piano when the TV is on, etc etc. What the hell. I practically can’t do anything that i want to, besides sleeping. But i can’t sleep for that long and even if i do, i still get shouted at for sleeping for too long. Tell me, what is my existence at home for, besides mopping floors and scrubbing toilets? But the funny thing is that since she doesn’t like me to be online so often, and she always shouts at me for being at home to irritate her, she also cannot accept that i go out! I seriously have no idea what’s her problem.

She complains that i have too much meetings, when in fact, if i never joined the Ocomm i would be out everyday working. She complains that i go out too often, when she always nags at me for not being sociable. She complains that i don’t exercise enough, when i’m going to play sports with my friends and she doesn’t allow that coz she sees it as going out. WHAT’S HER FREAKING PROBLEM?

I see that i’ve got an unbearable three months with her at home and i sincerely and secretly wish with my heart that there would be more meetings so that i can escape to school and not get terrorized at home all the time. Home is not a place for resting anymore after the exams are over. Its filled with stress and boredom. I don’t know how much longer i can take it.

I don’t wanna argue with her anymore. its childish to do that. So now all i can do is do what she wants. And see how long i can deal with it.

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

ONE MORE DAY!!! Its not exactly even one more day. Its 21 more hours! Besides the fact that i haven finished going through my notes for the very first time, its mostly likely going to be 25 days of heaven for me! And i really mean the VERY FIRST TIME i’m going through the notes. I’m like as screwed as the driver. Get it? HAHA. But oh wells, i’m so not in the mood for mugging anymore. its been too long since exams started and even longer since the day the intense mugging season began.

And its always like you’ve got three million things you wanted to do after exams when you were studying for it. But now come to think of it, how many would you achieve? Three months eh. But i foresee that i’ll be slacking throughout. Not supposed to find a permanent job. Actually... i DO have a job already! Marketing executive in RUN NUS 09 Ocomm. Like how cool is that? Ok i admit i do get super hyped up over such things. But who doesn’t? Its university life you know.

It is obvious that i’m already in the holiday mood isn’t it? Time to party away the stress (without clubbing.) i’m so freaking excited. Welcome to my new life! =D Bye freshman year 2008-2009!

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road

When you just got over something, it hits back at you again. Only harder.

I won’t read your blog anymore. This will be the last time. Reading only makes me more forgotten. It only makes me more excluded from your life. All i wanted to be was friends. But now, are we still friends? Friendships are so damn precious to me, but you took ours for granted. Its time for me to close this bittersweet episode of my life once and for all. Return me my book will ya? Coz that’s the only thing left that links. And i don’t want that link anymore. I don’t want to waste my energy on a non-existent friendship anymore.

Anyways, you can continue whining for all you like. I’m not going to give a damn about it. And please, not WANTING to grow up is not childish.

4 down, 1 more to go! i'm gg running! =D

♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road